The Work Problem

14 Aug

I can’t breath this morning.  I went on my usual walk and tried my deep breathing like Amy recommended, but I couldn’t manage it. Every person I saw made me feel more anxiety, every car that passed me made me feel self conscious, every unfamiliar noise made me paranoid. I’m suffocating.

The days off were amazing, and the Yoga instructor last night told me I did way better than my first night. I know why that was, because my body wasn’t so rigid with stress and fear. The vacation had made my mind, body, and spirit relax. She asked me if I still thought I needed a private session since I was doing so much better, I told her yes because I knew by the end of the week I’d be worse again.

Sure enough my chest and guts feel tight today, like I’m clenching muscles I didn’t know I could clench. I only notice it because I relaxed so much while I was away, and this morning the sensation has made me gag at least once. I honestly feel like the pressure in my stomach is going to make me physically ill. I can’t seem to release any of the tension.

At our last meeting over a week ago, Amy and I came to the conclusion that I’m a worst case scenario person and I make a big deal out of every  little thing. I think this is part of my problem this morning. I have been gone from work for 4 days, and I haven’t checked any emails or anything, so I feel like I’m going into a mess that I won’t know how to deal with.

My boss also denied me the unpaid time off I requested to go see my brother for a week. I needed two additional days of time off to do this, and he told me it was against company policy to take unpaid time off.. This hasn’t helped the suffocating feelings any at all.

Well, I’m going to go ahead and clock in early and see about catching up on missed emails. Maybe then I’ll feel more ready for my 8 o’clock start time. Wish me luck, I think it might be a rough week!


Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “The Work Problem

  1. Kim

    August 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I’m glad to hear that you had such a good time on your mini-break, it sounds like you had a lot of fun.

    My psychologist gave me a suggestion to deal with anxiety that sometimes helps me to burn off some adrenalin, and I thought I might pass it on to you for what it was worth. Instead of deep breathing, she gets me to tense the upper half of my body (face, arms and torso) for a duration of ten seconds, repeated five or six times. I then tense the lower half of my body (stomach, legs) in the same manner. I try and do this on the hour, every hour (or more often if I feel then need) to try and keep my anxiety down to an overall more managable level.

    I hope that your week improves for you!

    • River Hawthorn

      August 14, 2012 at 10:16 pm

      Thank you for sharing your methods, Kim! I will definitely give that a shot next time my breathing isn’t working. Usually it helps, but I think part of my problem is I got off my meds schedule while at the convention and ended up taking my pill at random times in the day. I noticed the last full day of the con I had some issues as well.

      The day did get better, anxiety wise, and ended up going alright. I wasn’t over reacting though, it was a mess when I got back, but I handled it well I think 🙂

      Thanks again for your advice and your always positive comments! I really appreciate them!

  2. Nicole

    August 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I love the progressive muscle relaxation method Kim suggested! I use that process too–and I make sure to do that and breathing BEFORE I get to stressed–great idea to do it every hour on the hour!

    • River Hawthorn

      August 16, 2012 at 9:35 pm

      Thanks for the feedback, I’m going to talk to my therapist this Saturday about this method and see what her views are on it. I definitely think I will give it a shot, since it seems to work for several people! I really appreciate people sharing this type of thing as I’m definitely a fan of trying anything at least once if it might help 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: