Category Archives: Work

What To Do – Travel, College, Career?

The problem with this quitting your job business is that you have to figure out what you want to do next.

It has become  very clear I can not stay at my current job. I told my therapist yesterday about all the reasons I wanted to quit. After listening to me she told me that it sounded like my company was taking advantage of me and my codependent nature (my newest label!) by paying me to little, not recognizing how important I am, and wanting me to take on managerial responsibilities without any of the perks. She has advised me to start searching for a new job or to make another plan for my future because it will be extremely difficult for me to continue to heal mentally if I stay in my current workplace.

This has made me feel a lot better about my feelings toward my job. I feel more justified in my frustrations and desire to quit. I feel less guilty about about giving up “such a good job” and moving on with my life.

I have come to the conclusion that I have three real options if I quit my current job:  Travel/Volunteer Bum, Nontraditional Student, or getting a New Job.

Travel/Volunteer Bum

My therapist seems to like my idea of going to volunteer in Thailand teaching computer skills to middle school students (through I want to do this for at least two months so I can feel like I really had the experience of living there. This should also give me enough time to adapt and shake off a lot of my social anxiety about being in a strange place with new people and a completely different culture.

After that I would either move on to the Nontraditional Student path or see what opportunities I can find in the volunteer/travel field. If I could become a world travelling bum I’d very happy, I think. The thing is I’ve never traveled outside of North America so there is a chance I won’t like it. Plus, while I do have some money in the bank to support myself once I quit my job, travelling plus helping pay half the bills related to my significant other and I’s apartment would probably deplete them within a year easily. I would have to find away to make money while travelling, or find a job in the travel/volunteerism field back home.

Nontraditional Student

The last two years or so I’ve also been thinking about going back to school. Really, the only major that has really stuck out to me is one in Classics. For those of you that don’t know what that is, here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia:

Classics (sometimes encompassing Classical Studies or Classical Civilization) is the branch of the Humanities comprising the languages, literature, philosophy, history, art, archaeology and other culture of the ancient Mediterranean world (Bronze Age ca. BC 3000 – Late Antiquity ca. AD 300–600); especially Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome during Classical Antiquity (ca. BC 600 – AD 600). Initially, the study of the Classics (the period’s literature) was the principal study in the humanities.

It just sounds like it covers so much, and I am interested in ancient history and think it would be fun to learn Latin. Not to mention it’s the type of degree that teaches you thinking  and communication skills, which I believe are really lacking in today’s society.

But university costs money.. lots of money. Plus, chances are I would have to relocate to attend a university that has this as a major. While I would love to travel around the world, for some reason moving somewhere else bothers me. I like the idea of being able to come home and be in my home town, even if I’m overseas for months at a time. Moving away for college to live doesn’t sit well though. It’s very weird.

A New Job

Of course, I could always look for another job in my current field. Right now I’m an IT person and will have 5 years of experience in June 2013. I could probably get another job somewhere else fixing computers or doing help desk work. Plus, if I don’t jump on to the next job then my current skill set will very quickly become out of date. IT people have to stay current or risk falling behind and becoming obsolete in their career track.

However, IT people are notoriously used, abused and under paid. We work nights and weekends along with our 40 hour a week day shifts.  We are expected to know everything there is to know about all things computer related, when really it takes a team of several people who specialize in specific parts of IT to run a department effectively. Plus, end users are usually horrible people who think they know more than you and know you could get things fixed quicker if you were really doing your job. Overall it’s a lot of stress, very little reward, and completely mind numbing, unimaginative work.


I know, at the very least, I will most likely take two months to go to Thailand to volunteer as a teacher. My therapist is very on board with this and it sounds like an amazing thing to me, if a little to much like a dream that can’t possibly happen (even though it easily could). Since I was a kid and started making friends with people from different countries on the internet my goal has always been to travel the world, so this seems like a logical step to take. I’m not sure what I will do after that, it probably just depends on how things go there and if any opportunities make themselves known in the months before, during, and after it. But it is a first step, which I’ve always heard is the hardest part of change.

What are your plans for the future?

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Posted by on August 26, 2012 in Life, Mental Health, Travel, Work


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Never A Right Time For Change

I am going to do something crazy (for me) tomorrow that I’m hoping will be another step toward my independence from my social anxiety. I’m hoping I don’t chicken out, but I’m definitely freaking out a little bit! It’s not something so drastic as quitting my job, but it’s a major step in expressing my real self and bringing me out of hiding. If I go through with it, you will find out what it was in a post on Friday. If I don’t, the post on Friday will be something lame and you should all tell me what a chicken I am!! 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good week! Don’t forget to breathe deep!



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Don’t Settle

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Posted by on August 20, 2012 in Creativity, Mental Health, Therapy, Work


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Profit vs Progress – A Personal Struggle

The path to progress and profit

Image taken from an article on Good.Is titled Progress vs Profit

I am at a cross roads in my life. My current job pays the bills with extra to stash away in the bank, it has good benefits, and I am basically completely independent and can prioritize my day in any way as long as it benefits the company and stuff gets done.

However, my job does not make me happy. I do not feel like I am accomplishing anything, that I am giving back in any way, or that I am being challenged at all. There is no growth here, those above me on the food chain I often think are idiots or spineless, and a lot of my comments or suggestions fall on deaf ears. I take attitude from my users, tell my boss, and am told to “bite the bullet”. I ask for a reasonable raise, and I’m told that my boss has consulted the vendors that work for me and that they say that doesn’t seem reasonable. I do not hate my coworkers, but I enjoy the company of very few and have even fewer that I have a anything in common with. There is no creativity here. There is no self expression. It is a dull and lifeless place full of squabbling hens and cocky roosters.

I have decided I want nothing more to do with this “easy” life path to Profit, I want a fulfilling one that challenges me. I still want to Profit so I can pay my bills and feel financially secure, but I also want to feel like I’m on the path to Progress and doing something with myself and the world around me.  Not only does the squiggly line look like the harder path but it looks like there are way more chances for adventure on it. And my life, thus far, has been seriously lacking in any real adventures.

Growing up I always thought that money = freedom and debt = prison. I needed a lot of money to live a fulfilling life and to have a real sense of self-worth. I believed that up until I started writing this entry.  Money is a prison for me. The more I make, the more I need, and the less secure I feel. I keep saying that once I am making a certain amount of money a year, or have a certian amount in the bank, I will feel less stressed and more secure, but the closer I get to that goal the more anxiety I feel. The more money I have in the bank the worse I feel about buying anything at all. The bigger my financial cushion the more terrified I become of falling, failing, and losing it.

I feel better being able to mull over this internally and look forward to hearing Amy’s (and anyone else’s) thoughts on it. I don’t really know how I am going to get over my unhealthy relationship with money, but I’m ready for something to derail me from the Profit Path and get me started down the line with a little more Progress in it.


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Burning Out – A Rant

I may get fired today. All I want to do is walk out of my office and yell at the top of my lungs: “You’re all a bunch of freaking morons! I give you all permission to go FUCK yourselves!” I’m pretty sure that means I’m on the verge of burn out, if I’m not already there.

Aside from the above overwhelming feeling of anger, my Facebook statuses today have been:

 If you can’t be bothered to save IMPORTANT email addresses in Outlook to your Contacts, and then something goes wrong and the magic, temporary “quick list” doesn’t work when you start to type a name in the “To:” field.. Don’t whine to me, because, honestly, I give absolutely no fucks. It’s your own freaking fault for not saving them if they were that damn important! Lazy freaking idiots..


Also, we have a TICKET SYSTEM for you to submit your issues to. USE IT if you expect me to help you. If you can’t be bothered to submit the issue correctly so I can track the damn thing, screw off, I’ve got more important things to do then bend over backwards for you when you can’t even be bothered to take 5 extra minutes to SUBMIT IT CORRECTLY. #@%$ >_<

Ya, I am not a happy person today. I almost called in and took a mental health day. I thought about it for probably 30 minutes this morning before coming in, and decided I wouldn’t. But, the longer I’m here, and the more emails I get about stupid problems sent in by ungrateful people, the more I realize I should have.

Since I started on anti-depressants and my mood has come up from the depths, I’ve really began to understand how much I really, really don’t like my job. I’d like to note that this is not because it’s a terrible, god-awful job that no one could be extremely happy in, I’m just saying I’m not that specific person. Also, due to the political nature of how I even got this job, I’m pretty sure I’m not the best person for it to begin with. Maybe I was the first year or two, but now it needs someone else. Someone who can shake things up and make some much needed changes. I can’t be that person, for a variety of reasons.

For the last year or so I thought my dislike of my job was simply due to my own depression and anxiety. I thought “Well, maybe, just maybe, if I get to feeling better I will enjoy it more!”.

That was a fun lie while it lasted.

Once the anti-depressants started kicking in I started to understand how truly bored and frustrated I am with my job. I had a very long talk with a coworker friend the other night over ice cream about my job and the stuff I’ve had to deal with, and she agreed it sounds like complete rubbish and she doesn’t blame me for wanting out of it.

The thing that has a really torqued me off is not necessarily my end users and their inability to grasp the simplest instructions or even the fact that sometimes I get reported for “not doing my job” even though I DID do my job and the idiot reporting otherwise is just doing something on their end WRONG or they just want me to do more than my fair share.

No, what really bothers me is that my boss tells me I need to be more of a “manager” (though, he’s quick to follow that up with the fact that I am NOT management) and take more responsibility for our tech vendors and their shit. OK, fine, whatever. The problem with this is that one of our vendors has been doing IT for our company since the company started up, and I, in fact, used to work for this other IT company and that’s how I landed this job. The unfortunate fact of the matter is my boss believes this company can do not wrong and goes to them all the time for things.. things he should NOT go to them for.

Basically, this last year I got my shit together and asked for a raise. I gave him a range of pay I thought would be fair for me to be making. What did my boss do with my request? He went to this IT vendor and asked THEM if it made sense for me to make that much! I have never felt so stepped on in my life. I went through hours and hours of work, putting together a massive amount of information on how AWESOME of a job I do and how my workload has increased over 500% since I started working, and he praised me about what a wonderful job I did putting the info together and how it was obvious I was an amazing employee.. and then he goes and asks an OUTSIDE VENDOR who I am supposed to MANAGE on a daily basis what the fuck I should be making.


Ya, needless to say I’m not happy, and my latest want is to get out of this job. And, I apologize for this random rant, but I had to get it out somewhere, otherwise I’d end up packing my things up in a box this afternoon and going home.  Unfortunately, I can’t do that yet, as I need the health insurance to continue my therapy. And I need to get well before I can venture out into the big ‘ole world again. The more I am in therapy, the more I feel justified in feeling that I’m to bright and to creative to be wasting away at this job.

If you made it all the way through that I appreciate you taking the time to read it. I’ll try to make my next entry a little happier!


Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Burn Out, Mental Health, Stress, Work


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